omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
