I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
