The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
one might say we're banned from that church
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
