he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
