Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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