So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
