I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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