Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
