Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
