Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
