i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
