a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
