Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
