i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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