I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She even gives head with a lisp.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
