my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When are your genitals available?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
