i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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