It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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