If that was your dad, he is hot
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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