It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
