I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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