She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!