No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
