Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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