Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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