Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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