your parents love me but you hate me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How's work?
Spinning.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
