Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
