you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
