I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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