Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
