gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
