i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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