I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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