Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
