I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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