I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it glows. i had to have it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize