i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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