Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
