I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
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I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
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I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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