So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
