I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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