It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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