Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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