This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
how does that bad decision feel?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
