walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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