I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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