I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My bed smells like the plague
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
