The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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