apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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