I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
