Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
