I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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