i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
