Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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