i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
