i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
