can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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