He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
