Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
