Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
