This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
