Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
