I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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