it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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