i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
