I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
