I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
