A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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